Is Santa Claus real?

Sonya, who will be 10 in March has been asking me for a few years if Santa is real and I've managed to persuade her that he is, or at least make her too afraid to admit that she thinks there's no Santa, lest she be left without any presents under the tree.

She asked again a few weeks ago and again I persuaded her to believe in the jolly old elf. I don't want her not to believe, I like putting out milk & cookies and putting sparkling oatmeal outside on the grass to attract the reindeer and I like to see and hear the joy on Christmas morning when they all wake up and see the living room filled with presents from St. Nick (though my hubby hates that we give that old fella all the credit).

Well the ladies at my work said she was too smart to really believe anyway and that I was just prolonging it and soon she may be really mad at me when she finds out I haven't been truthful with her. Also, they thought if she believed for much longer, she may get made fun of at school.

So, Friday night she told me that another girl at her school told her that her parents said that Santa Claus wasn't real and Sonya wanted to get the truth from me. So, I bit the bullet and told her that Santa wasn't real, but that parents wanted this time of year to be magical for their children and they made the whole story up. It's been going on for decades and it's a really fun part of Christmas - helping to keep everything secretive until the big day. Her response - "I kinda figured he wasn't real. I mean, who would believe that some strange man flies around all over the world delivering presents to all the kids on flying reindeer?"

I then told her that it was a very magical idea and now that she knew, she could never tell anyone the secret. She should not be like her friend at school and ruin it for others, especially children younger than she. She agreed and understood that it's part of the fun now to help get others to believe.

She then asked if DJ knew that Santa wasn't real. He's 15. I told her no that DJ just did his best to help make her believe. She then asked if Colby still believed. He's 12. I said, I wasn't for sure, that Colby didn't ever really say anything about it and he probably knew but just didn't want to ask me about it.

I heard this conversation from his room a little later....

Sonya - Hey Colby, so do you still believe there's a Santa Claus?

Colby - Uh, I don't know, there might be, I'm not sure.

Sonya - Well, there's NOT!!!!!

So much for helping to keep the secret. When I asked her about it, she said "Mom, he's 12 years old, it's about time he faced reality. Besides, you wouldn't want his friends making fun of him, would you? I did him a favor."

Well, it's a good thing I have her around to make sure everything's taken care of, huh?

Pictures of my girls

This is Sonya on Halloween. She thought of her own costume and did her own clothes and make up. She was a zombie and wanted to pose "dead". To say she is a drama queen is putting it mildly.

This is her trick or treating - it's a better picture of what her face looked like. And she was trying to make her eyes go back in her head so she looked "scarier".



She was the only one of mine that went trick or treating. Well, Heather went with us too - but she didn't dress up. She did get a lot of texting in on the ride though. Whatever would she fill her time with, but for texting?

On Sunday, we went to a state park with lots of big rocks to climb on and here are some of my favorite pics. It was just us girls. Here is Heather and Sonya laying on a big rock.


Here's one of the three of us. I don't know why some of these showed up smaller. I think it's in the way she sent them to me, because we only had her camera with us and I had to wait for her to send the pics when she got back to school.


The girls in a tree.


One of Heather and me. I miss her tremendously, but she is having the time of her life.


And this one was at the very end of the trip through the rocks. These sisters are great friends - well most of the time. It looks like they're being so sweet here, when in all actuality, they were play fighting with each other. The pic is still cute though:)


And one more of my little drama queen. This was taken in a little antique shop we stopped at afterward. We went in for penny candy and they were amazed at the packs of bubble gum cigarettes that puffed out powdered sugar "smoke" when you blew on them. We had to get 4 boxes:)


I have to say this was one of the best days I've had that I can remember. It was so nice to spend time alone with the girls and do something fun. It's a memory I know I'll treasure for a long time to come.

My mom wants to know...

A conversation on the radio this morning caused me to think of this story of Sonya when she was in kindergarden. When the DJ asked that listeners call in with their stories - I seriously thought about doing it - but reconsidered - which prompts me to ask - do you ever call in to radio shows? I don't know if it's because I'm in the car so long or what, but for some reason I always want to call, sometimes I do, but usually I hang up before I'm actually on the radio - what is up with me?

Anyhow, back to the story...

The principal at the elementary school is very pretty - I don't like her, actually but it's because she actually came on to my husband (I think so, and so does he) right in front of me and my son while hubby, son and I were in her office because son had done something wrong, but that's a story for another day.

OK, so she is cute, petite, has really cool kind of 80's hair (which I love), you know long, full of waves & just perfect - you get the picture. One day, while I was walking Sonya to kindergarden (this was probably 6 or 7 years after the incident with hubby), I saw her and her hair was badly in need of a dye job. I mean there was more gray than the beautiful chestnut brown that had been her color before. She must have really gone prematurely gray, because she's at least 7 or 8 years younger than me and that was way before I had to "wash that gray right outta my hair". So, I commented to no one in particular "Hmmm, I wonder why Miss D is letting her hair grow out gray." and prompty forgot about it in my haste to drop Sonya off and get to work.

A few weeks later, it was parent-teacher conferences and when I went in to see Sonya's teacher (very small town and everyone knows everyone else) she said "I have to tell you the cutest story about your daughter." I was proud that Sonya had done something that evoked this kind of enthusiasm in the teacher and couldn't wait to hear the story.

"Well," she said, "Sonya received the highest grade on her reading test last week, so her prize was to go to Miss D's office and read a book to her. While she was walking down the hall with Miss D, holding her hand, she looked up at her and said "My mom wants to know why you're letting your hair go all gray?""

My proud smile quickly faded into a face of pure horror! "Oh My God! She didn't really ask her that, did she?" I asked. "Yep, she sure did and the rest of the teachers are so glad she did - because we were all wondering the exact same thing!"

"And what did Miss D say?" I asked. "She told Sonya she just hadn't dyed it in awhile, but she guessed it was probably about time she did!" I couldn't believe it. I never said anything to Miss D about it and she never said anything to me. To this day, she is nothing but friendly to me and I've never, ever seen her hair that shade again.

Kids say the darndest things!!!

Guilty pleasures...

I can't help it. This guy is seriously hotttt!!!!




OMG!!! Talk about eye candy!

Get on the bus!!!!

OK, I know I haven't posted in awhile - but you know how it goes.

Conversation on Thursday with my College Kid

Her: Mom, Jess and I are thinking about coming home this weekend. I told her I'd pay half the gas.

Me: OK

Her (1 hour later): Mom, Jess doesn't know if she's coming home. I'm going to offer to pay all the gas, because I really want to come home.

Me: OK

Her (2 hours later): Mom, Jess isn't coming home. She really wants to, but her mom really doesn't want her to spend the money. I guess I'll take the bus, can you get me a ticket?

Me: OK, are you sure she won't change her mind?

Her: No, she won't change her mind.

Her (1 hour later): Mom, did you get my ticket?

Me: Not yet. I was waiting to make sure she didn't change her mind.

Her: She won't change her mind. I've been trying to talk her into it, but she's definitely not coming home this weekend. Can you get the ticket?

Me: Sure. I do it in a little while

Her (1 hour later): Mom, did you get the ticket yet?

I ignored this last text message at 9:45 last night because I thought Jess might change her mind overnight.

Me (this morning): Good Morning! Are you still coming home? Did Jess decide to come home?

Her: No, she's not coming home.

Me: OK, I ordered your ticket online. You're leaving at 3pm. Here are the directions to the bus station, I will meet you in St. Louis is 5:15pm

Her: OK, I'll see you then! Yay!

Her (2:40pm - 20 minutes before the bus leaves): Mom, Jess wants to ride the bus home too. Can you wait and pick us up at 11:30pm?

Me: NO!!!!! Get on the bus! It leaves in 20 minutes. Jess should have decided before now that she was gonna ride the bus. I cannot believe you are changing your plans now.

Her: Mom, why are you so angry with me?

Me: Heather, I asked you 82 times if you were sure Jess wasn't coming home before I ordered the ticket! Get on the bus! You're going to miss it and it's a non-refundable ticket! Get on the bus!

Her: I'm gonna call my dad to see if he can pick me up at 11:30, but then I'll have to stay there all night and I don't want to. Will you call Aunt Shelly and see if she will pick me up?

Me: NO!!!!! Get on the bus! Call your dad! Whatever! I'm out~call me when you figure it out.

Her (10 minutes later): Mom. Here's the plan. Jess' mom said she will pay all the gas home and I have exchanged my ticket for one leaving 2 weeks from now. I'm going to ride home with Jess tonight and we will take the bus home together in 2 weeks.

Me: Whatever - call me when you're on your way. Love you!

Her: Love you too!

Palin's speech - not as great as Obama's

I was reading 3Carnations blog and she wondered if the shoe was on the opposite foot (if Palin was a democrat) would things be the same? I commented on her blog and then thought it would make for a good post on my own blog, so pretty much copied what I wrote there. Hope you don't mind.

First of all, yes, I do believe that if Palin was Obama's running mate, the same would be going on - only the Republicans would be doing the bashing. No matter what they say, it's always gonna be politics as usual.

I've not yet made up my mind which way to go. I did enjoy Sarah Palin's speech last night, but not as much as I enjoyed Obama's last week - I'll wait to hear from McCain himself though before judging, though something tells me that his speech will lack the charisma that Barrack's had.

Sarah Palin does scare me some though. I am pro-choice, even though that would not be a choice I'd make at this time in my life, I do believe that it is my choice and every other woman's choice. I'm not saying I feel it's right, but I also don't feel the government should make that choice for me.

It scares me that she wanted to remove some books from the library in Alaska. I need to do more research on this, but I don't feel that censorship is a government right either. I feel certain things should be kept from those under 18, but I do not feel the government should decide what a grown person can read. I am totally against censhorship by the government. I was a long time listener of Howard Stern and yes, sometimes I had to turn it off because I was sickened by some of the segments he broadcasted - but I listened to most all of his monologues and his discussions with Robin and Artie - I loved those - I actually learned quite a bit about politics from him over the years. I didn't agreed with everything he did or said, but it was MY CHOICE to listen to him and MY CHOICE to switch the station if he said or did something I didn't like. I cannot imagine a country where the government decided what I could listen to or watch on TV.

One other thing - I liked that she brought her family out last night and that they all held their heads high - they should. They have something to be proud of - a close-knit family that has some of the same struggles that we all have to go through. They're getting by, just like the rest of us. I do feel, however, that she should have addressed some of the bigger issues (not the family-related ones) like the economy and what the plan will be to fix it.

I'm still gathering info and I want to make an informed decision and if I had to vote tomorrow, I honestly can't say who I'd vote for. Right now, it's a toss up.

Heather is gone to college...

She came home this weekend and had a surprise for me...

She got a tattoo! It is a skull with a pink bow on it - it is the ugliest thing I've ever seen. I knew she would be getting one because she's been talking about it for a couple of years, but before I left her at college only 2 short weeks ago - I told her (and my sister heard me) "If you are going to get a tattoo - think long and hard about it and make sure you get something that means something to you. It will be permanent and I want you to be able to look at it 50 years from now and know that it meant something"

So, what does she get? A fucking skull with a bow!!! When asked why she chose that, she answered "it was free" -- Hmnm! Thank you Mizzou for making packets of "free" stuff available to your students. It's not enough for you to charge $8500 for classes and $3000 for a room for 4 months, and $1000 for one meal each day and $700 for books for said classes - you also like to give out "free" stuff to students - Coupons for a "free" tattoo at a local tattoo parlor - Anything on this wall is free~take your pick.

I would have rather paid $500 for a decent fucking tattoo!!!! But hey, she likes it and like my sister said "If that is how she expresses herself, then so be it" - I just can't wait for her to have to go through the teenaged years:)

It is on her back between her shoulder blades (at least it's not a tramp stamp - I'm sure Sonya will have that area covered!) She told me early last week that she had a surprise for me and when she asked me Friday night if I was ready for my surprise - I thought she had a little present for me - you know, for being such a great mom! Boy, was I wrong- I was really pissed, but I'm over it now - she really is a good kid and if this is the worst she does (This better be the worst she does) then I'm OK with it. Darrell was mad, but he's over it too. When we took her back to Columbia Monday the last thing he said to her was "NO MORE TATTOOS!" If she gets anymore - no more help from us for college - she's on her own!!!

When I asked her what she was going to think when she was 70 years old and the skull was hanging down over her asshole - Colby promptly answered for her "She'll think - man, what a good time I had in college" Great - thanks, Colby.

Anyone else ever experience this? How are you supposed to handle it? I'm not a tattoo person, myself, but I do like some tattoos on certain people - just not my kid. Why do kids do this stuff?

Wow - ed and Shocked - all in the same night

I was undecided before this speech and though I've only been able to vote in 7 presidential elections, I've always voted Democrat, but this time, I just wasn't sure.

At first, I thought Obama all the way and then after reading a some posts on the internet, I began to think that I should at least listen to what McCain had to say.

When I watched that speech last night, I was wowed. He did say exactly what I wanted to hear, I'll give you that and he backed it up somewhat by trying to say how he was going to come up with the money to get all this done, but I need to hear more about that.

I'm going to listen to McCain Monday and see if I feel the same emotions as when I heard Obama. I may not have made my decision completely by then, but I plan to learn alot about these candidates and make an informed decision - not just an emotional one.

Weird thing is, my father-in-law is a true Bush supporter, against what MLK, Jr was about - the whole nine yards and usually my husband is in total agreement with his dad's political views. When we watched the speech last night, he shocked me by saying that he was considering voting for Obama. I think this is the first time we've ever agreed on a consideration of a presidential candidate - hmmm, there may be hope for us yet.

Some would call him inventive

DJ (15) and Heather (18) - leaving for college in 8 days:*( had a rather heated disagreement about a month ago ending with a hole in the bathroom door made from a broomhandle. I still don't know what the argument was about.

DJ set about figuring out a way to keep himself out of trouble. Darrell was out of town, so he had some time. Before I got home from work, he had taken about 3-4 doors off of the hinges looking for one that would fit the bathroom. The only one that would work was Heather's closet door, but she wouldn't let him have it. He offered to pay her for the use of her closet door and she took him up on the offer.

He then exchanged the bathroom door for her closet door and thought he was home free. When I got home, they told me of the incident, but I really didn't see any harm in keeping this info to myself - after all, what did it really hurt? Of course, they got a huge lecture about fighting - but I'm sure it went in one ear and out the other.

As I sat on the toilet, I looked at the door and realized that there was no lock on the doorknob to the closet door - I laughed at DJ and said he wasn't as smart as he thought. He promptly retrieved the drill from the garage and changed the doorknobs as well. Smart kid, huh?

All went off without a hitch until earlier this week when Darrell got into Heather's closet for something and noticed the hole. Heather fessed up immediately that it was totally DJ - he exchanged the doors all by himself and she had nothing to do with it. She didn't mention the hush money. He called me and I said yes, I did know that they had done it, but the problem was taken care of and they had to work as a team to get it accomplished, so I wasn't worried about it. I guess he sided with me because he dropped it too (BIG, BIG SURPRISE), but he did tell DJ that since he had so much money (he's been working all summer mowing grass) that he could now look forward to paying for every single thing the he destroyed in this house and that he would do the work himself. Do you think this will keep him from horseplaying, fighting, etc???? I sure don't. I know this sounds terrible and I'm sure I'll change my opinion when he really screws something up, but I was a little proud of him for thinking of that and also for implementing the plan all by himself - well, with a little help from his big sister. He's sure gonna miss her when she's gone - we all will.

Summer days...

I'm still around - I've been reading your posts everyday and commenting infrequently, but I'm still here. I just haven't had much to say lately. We've been really busy with baseball. Both boys went to their state tournaments and both teams took third. Colby's was great, as always. He hit a homerun over the fence, but this was really DJ's year to shine. He has always really gotten the shaft with baseball. He's good, but he's in with a mix of boys that are really good too and for some reason he's never really hit it off with the coach, but every three years, that coach moves up with his son and DJ gets the chance to have a really good year. This was it. During the season, he was an awesome catcher and then for the all-stars, his dad got to coach him.

There was a little bit of "coach's son" attitude a few times, but this tournament was outstanding. We took boys from 4 different communities and raised money to help with travel expenses. The boys all really "gelled" together and I think they've all made some lifelong friends. They all got to play, Darrell was really, really fair. He felt they all deserved a spot on the team and did a great job getting everybody in. The victories they achieved were done so as a team and everyone felt like they'd made a contribution.

DJ did an exemplary job behind the plate. He got beat all to heck (I even had to take him to the chiropractor when we returned), but he has had the season of his life. In two of the "important" wins, he was the winning run over the plate in a bang, bang play at home - and he's one of the slowest runners on the team. His short little legs were just running like no get out! It was wonderful to see that as a mom and I know Darrell was beaming with pride as well!

All the kids have had a good summer with sports and now Colby starts football. Sonya is excited to go into the 4th grade and Heather is ready to move to Mizzou. I'm ready for her to go, but a little sad to lose her. She has been seeing this boy and I sure hope it doesn't interfere when the time comes to go. I'm sure it won't but we visited the campus again this weekend, just to make sure the excitement was still brewing. This is the first "boyfriend" she's had and the timing couldn't be worse in my eyes, but I think she's got her head on straight. She's looking forward to the next phase of life.

Everyone is good in my neck of the woods and here's a few pics of summer for you.

Heather and Sonya making silly faces...



DJ resting after a hard game...



Colby watching a baseball game on Mizzou's field. He doesn't care who's playing, he just loves being at the field...

Happy Birthday America!!!!!

To celebrate, we are going to watch America's favorite pastime - yep, you guessed it BASEBALL!!!!!

Now you all know I love me some baseball, but I'm getting a little burnt out myself. Last weekend was wonderful. Colby's team won every game, but the last one. They lost the championship, but it was fun, nonetheless and Colby was really on his game last weekend and proved that he definitely deserved a spot on that team. He was batting over .800 and made two really great catches in the outfield and nice throws for plays at the plate. The catcher didn't get the guys out, but it wasn't because of Colby's throws. Normally, he's an infielder, so I was shocked at how well he did in the outfield and he really enjoyed himself. So that was the all-star team.

This weekend, he's playing in a tournament with my nephew in St. Louis - about 75 miles from us. It's really just a fun tourney, but he played last year and the coach requested he play again this year. He's excited.

Sunday - his district play starts for the all-star and DJ's starts on Thursday. Then it's weekends in Cape Girardeau, Jackson, MO and maybe even Nebraska for Colby and Minnesota for DJ next month, whew! I'm tired already.

We're not really doing much for the 4th, we're playing it by ear to see what happens after these games today.

Oh, and I'm not really losing weight very quickly anymore, I've had a very bad week at work - I'll blog about it later. But, I was surprised to see this morning that I finally hit the 20 pound mark and I'm going to get back on track this week, I promise:)

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Random Pictures

This was the band that played at Heather's graduation party. It was called the 4 Hot Chicks~



This is Sonya at a recent ballgame - she was bored, or can't you tell?



This is Darrell & I at Heather's graduation party.



Here's Heather while she was getting ready for her party. My little graduate, how sweet!



This is Sonya singing her little heart out. I thought it was a cool pic.

I'll have to get some pics of the boys up soon. I don't know where they were when we were taking pictures in the garage. I'll post some more on Monday.

Ain't no wrath like that of a woman's whose child has been scorned!

I am beside myself with anger. My son is one of the best baseball players on the 11 year old league, and this is straight from the stats, not just a momma who only sees the good her son does. He is a natural at baseball. At eleven, he is totally aware of the game, how many outs there are, what the batter will probably try to do - he's got it all figured out - I am totally amazed to watch him during the game. My other son is also really good at baseball, but he has to work really hard at it, it just seems to come to Colby easier. Now, that's not to say he doesn't get nervous, many times he can be seen chewing his fingernails during a game, but he's definitely got a baseball brain.

So, each year he makes the All-Star team. Whichever team wins the league gets to take 8 of their players and choose 4-6 players from other good teams, he has been chosen for the all star team every year. Two years ago, we had a problem with coach of the all star team, he invited Colby and would use Colby until he got a lead then he would sit him and put players from his team in that were not as good. We don't mind him taking his turn sitting the bench, but it was clear what was going on and this coach is known around the area as a snake, I don't even know why the parents in his own town allow thier children to play for him.

Last year, he invited Colby to the 10 year old all stars and we declined because we didn't agree with his coaching style. Colby played "up" with the 11 year olds and had a great time. This year another town won the league and this coach told a baldfaced lie about my son to try to get the other coach not to invite Colby to play with them. He said that when our team beat their team that Colby made a snotty remark to him - throwing it in his face that we had won. This was a couple of months ago, we asked Colby about it and he said, I probably said something to him when we were shaking hands, but it wasn't anything bad and I don't even remember it. You know, now that I'm writing this down, it all seems so silly, but I am truly upset by this.

Colby is playing and we're going to Ste. Genevieve, MO this weekend for him to play in a tournament, but now, there's this black cloud over the whole event. I was looking forward to it and now I'm not. This is something he loves to do, he is good at it and because a grown man is jealous of his abilities, he is using whatever he can to keep a kid, a good kid out of the game. How can he live with himself? I do not know if I can hold my tongue this weekend, but I'm going to try really hard. I will not, however, allow this to go unanswered. When the season is over, I plan to have a talk with that coach, if my husband doesn't first and I plan to tell him how disappointed I am with how he handled himself, that if my son truly did say anything inappropriate to him, the thing to do would have been to come to us and allow us to deal with it. We are trying to teach these kids how to be a good sport and as a coach, he should have facilitated that, if he was given that opportunity. Not only did he say that Colby said something to him (we never did learn what that something was), but he said that his players would not come along to the tournament if Colby went - this guy is an absolute ass! I swear, I'm not just saying this, everyone says how good of a kid he is, he's polite, you never hear much out of him - DJ is a mouth, but Colby really just keeps to himself when focusing on baseball.

Well, the other coach pretty much said that Colby was being invited either way, so they did all choose to come along - and we were told that no one else - I'm sorry, this is so hard to understand and I'm going to quit babbling about it and just try to get through this weekend with this jerk without boxing him in the mouth. Bad thing is - we will spend about the next month with him and if Colby didn't truly love this game and this experience, I would decline the invitation, but since I don't want him to know what's going on, I'm trying to keep an excited front for him.

Wish me luck. Sorry for the long post.

Quick Update

We had Heather's graduation party this weekend and things went pretty smoothly. My dear sister came to help me get ready. I truly don't know what I'd do without her. She and I barbequed on Friday night so we wouldn't have to mess with it on Saturday and that was the best idea - except for the fact that it took us until 4am to get it all done - but at least we didn't have to stand over the pit all day on Saturday while we had guests.

I really thought Darrell was going to do the BBQing, but I guess when he saw we had it under control, he thought we didn't need him and went to be about 1:30. Ass!!!! He had done alot to get the property ready and the pool - get the garage cleaned up in case it rained and we needed shelter. He'd been working his butt off, but so had I. I was kinda glad when he went to bed though, because Shelly and I had alot of fun trying to get it all done. Hot dogs were rolling off the pit onto the porch and we'd pick them up real quick and put them back on (5 second rule) - I know it's gross - but no one died and we just built the porch so I knew it wasn't that dirty yet:) (Are you all puking now? Well, get over it - what people don't know won't hurt them!)

We saw alot of family & friends we hadn't seen in a while and Heather was truly grateful for all she got. It will go a long way in getting what she needs for college life and the dorm room. I'll post some pics later this week, I'm still recuperating.

This is me being healthy

OK, so I'm drinking soy milk now instead of skim because I read in Women's Health magazine that if you consume just one serving of soy each day, it has been shown to reduce belly fat - I know, I know - but I'll take whatever I can get.

So, does it count if I'm having the soy milk with my Cap'n Crunch????? It still has the same calories as Cheerios and it was better than having a Pop Tart:)

I'm up to 19 pounds now, only 31 more to go to reach my goal weight. My goal date is September 15th.

9 year old DramaQueen

It is summer. My cellphone rings and I am irritated to see that it is my home calling. I have repeatedly told my kids not to call me on my cellphone. It is long distance from our house, so I get charged once on my home phone bill and again for minutes on my cellphone bill. "Send me a text," I say, "and I'll call you right back" - that's why we pay for texting - but oh no, when they're mad or excited or bored or hungry, whatever - they pick up that phone and dial those 10 digits.

So I pick up and hear my 9 year old's voice

"Are you and dad trying to ruin my life or are you just trying to get me to run away?" I squelch a giggle "What?", I say, as I strive to stop laughing inside and try to figure out what is wrong with her. She repeats herself with the exact same emphasis on every word~

Apparently, the cat, Peach Kitty - not Cinderella (Cinderella is her cat) pissed on 4 towels today and my husband is pissed off and threatened to take both cats to the shelter. I told her not to worry, none of our pets were leaving our house, at least not tonight:)

Out to Lunch with Gay Nephew - Be home later!!!

I took a class last week. It was a week long class and I got 3 credits toward my undergraduate degree for taking it. It was a shitty class, I didn't really learn much, but it only took a week and I got 3 credits. Yippee!!! I'm taking another class this summer too and it is also an expedited class. It lasts for only 5 weeks and we only meet one time a week for one hour. I have to write a bunch of shit about my feelings, etc, but I do that anyway for free, so am I lucky or what?

I did a bad thing this weekend. I have a gay nephew that I love with every piece of my being. He is actually my husband's nephew, but I have been very close to him since I met him when he was 8. He used to always hang out with me, babysit for me, go on softball trips with us and I cried when I found out he was gay because I was afraid of the life he would have to lead. I didn't believe it and fought with my husband when he came home and told me that someone had told him. But, I've come to term with it and I love him all the same, maybe more. There will always be a special place in my heart for him.

So, Friday I was taking this class and I knew I would get out early. He texted me on Wednesday and I told him about the class and wanted to go to lunch on Friday. I happily agreed, but didn't tell anyone about it. All week long, I got out of class early and came home to chaos and too much shit to do and it sucked, so I planned to go to lunch with him, go get my nails done and pass it off like I got out of school a little early, but not 1/2 of a day early.

Well, I went to lunch at a lesbian bar (they are the funnest people ever), we had a couple of vodka shots (his demise) and he wanted to show me an apartment nearby that he wanted to rent. His mom, my sis-in-law freaks out that he lives in the city and always worries about the neighborhoods he chooses to live in so he wanted me to check it out so I could tell his mom that he would be fine. So, off we went. We drove by the apartment and went into another little bar he frequents - had another shot and played Wii - bowling. It was a freakin' blast. It's been awhile since I've had so much fun! I cannot begin to explain how much we laughed and how much fun we had.

Back to my car, stopped by one other bar - no shots for me - I'd had plenty and I went home. It was 5 o'clock when I left the city so I would actually be late getting home, not early as I had anticipated and there would be no fancy nails for me! Darrell was pissed when I got home because I didn't tell him what I was doing. He's not real fond of this nephew, because of the lifestyle he chooses and he thinks he may be developing a drinking problem (I'm not sure I disagree). Anywhoo - he wasn't too happy with me Friday night and Saturday he had to play ball so he was gone all day - YIPPEE!

Yesterday we went to his parents and I bbq'd all day - had a sort of relaxing day and all was back to normal for us. Oh well, so he was pissed and didn't agree with a decision I made (and was probably a little jealous - though more of my relationship with his nephew - one he feels he cannot have with him) but he's over it. I conceded that I should have told him what I was doing - but that's the only thing I was wrong for. OK, so now it's over. Until the next time he gets pissed at me and brings it up again - yeah, so I'll deal with it again then. It was fun and I wouldn't give it back for all the tea in China. I needed to have a day like that and I'm glad I did it:)

Quick Update

As of this morning, I'm down 15 pounds. Yay, me!!!! I was struggling for quite a few days, doing everything right and still no loss, but it did catch up today, so I'm trying to keep a positive attitude! It sure is tough sometimes, though.

Baseball is kicking my butt again this year. I forget from year to year how hard it is. DJ and Colby had a game Monday, DJ and Sonya Tuesday, Darrell Wednesday, Colby Thursday and DJ and Sonya on Friday. Then, Darrell plays all weekend in Chicago.

I'm going to Chicago with him and we're taking DJ so he can babysit another couple's son, if we decide to go out for a few hours. He doesn't mind, he's looking forward to it and this little boy just loves to spend time with him, so he gets to feel like a big shot. Sonya and Colby are both staying with separate cousins - unless we decide to take Colby and Heather wants to stay at home alone. I don't really know how I feel about that. She's 18, she's certainly old enough, but she's 18!!!!!! I know we have to start trusting her, and she's never really done anything to keep us from trusting her, but it sure is hard to let loose. I keep telling myself, she is going to college in the fall and I won't have any control then, so I better start letting go now, so I'm still around and I can see how she handles extra freedom. How do other parents do this? It is tough for me, but seems even tougher for Darrell to think about. He still thinks she's a baby.

OK, better go. Got a busy week and busy weekend coming up...

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday was my birthday. It was actually pretty good. Since my mom passed away in 1992, my birthday has always sucked, along with Thanksgiving (the day she died), Christmas and Mother's Day! I would start thinking about her and then the holiday would just start going wrong. In the past few years, I've been coming to terms with how I feel and what makes me feel that way and I think I've been doing a pretty good job of turning it around. I just talk myself out of it a few days before the big day. Well, it wasn't ever really that easy with my birthday.

I don't think anyone has ever made me feel like my mom did on my birthday. Even after I grew up and moved out, she would call me first thing on the morning of my birthday. I could always count on that and when she wasn't there to call me, it sort of put my day off on the wrong foot. Recently, I've been getting over that (I know it sounds ridiculous for a 38 year old woman - but I really miss my mom) and yesterday was a pretty decent day. My hubby works from home, so he's always in bed when I leave. Yesterday, he woke up long enough to tell me Happy Birthday. That was a good start.

Then, my friends at work had a food buffet for me (good for the tastebuds, not so good for the diet). I'm gonna have to work extra hard for the rest of the week, to continue my loss for this week. I'm up to 11 pounds in 3 weeks so far, so I'm pretty proud, but I don't want to mess it up because it's my bday! Anywhoo - I then went to my inlaws after work for beans and cornbread and fried potatoes - who can resist that? She had me stop by C racker B arrell on my way home to pick up my own bday present - at least I get what I want (Yankee Candles). My hubby baked me a cake and even brought me a small piece with a glass of skim milk (he never does that) and I asked him to take a walk with me and he did (we walked a little over a mile) All in all, it was a pretty great birthday - I feel very loved!

I HATE MEDICINE!!

I am mildly depressed. I need to take medicine. I've come to terms with that, but I just call it my mood enhancer! I always have said, I can't tell when I'm taking it (because it doesn't really affect me) but I can sure as hell tell when I don't - and so can everyone else around me.

I don't know why, but sometimes, I feel I don't need it anymore then suddenly I'm like "Shit, I better start my meds again before I black out on everyone in my family!" I often stop my Celexa and recently my doc put me on Prozac, but I haven't begun it yet and I've stopped with the Celexa and I was feeling pretty good. Then, my performance eval at work was coming up and I've had a couple of run-ins with my boss recently, so I was more than a little anxious about it, so I took two celexa on Tuesday and Wednesday. I got a raving review, my boss was more than thrilled with my performance this year and I was ecstatic!

Then last night I was at my daughter's baccalaureate and they were all in their caps & gowns and they were playing Pomp and Circumstance - it was very emotional...FOR EVERYONE ELSE!!!!! All the parents were smiling and crying but NOT ME - I was just sitting there - happy go lucky! Like it was someone else's kid up there. You know, there's sometimes when you're crying a happy cry and it feels soooo good! But, I didn't feel it at all, not a thing - so I was a little disappointed that I didn't cry. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's why I stop the meds sometimes - because I don't FEEL my life! I know I take it so I don't feel my life, but I really want to FEEL my life, you know?

Ah well, what do ya do?

Graduation Squared

I'm a crazy these days trying to organize and plan my work's annual graduation ceremony for our students and getting my daughter ready for her own high school graduation. Both of these very important events happen on the very same day! This Friday, I will be running around crazily trying to get everything accomplished. Our graduation here should be over with by 3pm and hers begins at 7pm and I'm 90 minutes from home, so I'm going to have to do a really good job of having things ready by tomorrow night. Tonight is the baccalaureate at her school. I've never been to one, so I don't really know what to expect, but I was told that many of the area preachers/priests, religious figures from our community come and hold a prayer service. We'll see.

Also, Heather turns 18 on Saturday - just one day after graduation. It's a very bittersweet time for me. I know I'm going to miss her so badly when she goes to college but I'm ready for her to start her own journey of life. Also, I don't want her to grow up and be independent, but I'm so excited for the opportunities she has before her. Very emotional time, indeed.

I think I've become one of "those" parents

Sonya had a softball game the other night. It was misting and chilly and she had just come from the orthodontist and her teeth were hurting her. When the coach called to say the game was still on, I asked if they had enough players because Sonya didn't really feel up to it, but they didn't and would have had to forfeit if she didn't go, so off we went.

I stopped for Orajel for her mouth and by the time I got back to the field, her team had already batted and were in the outfield. These are 9 year olds playing fast-pitch softball (that means you have to wind your arm around in a circle and throw it really hard). The pitcher was not throwing very many strikes so every girl just went up there and stood with the bat and waited for 4 balls so she could walk. No one was even trying to swing. Well, the score got to be about 25 to 2 just by walking and I went over and asked the coach if she had any other players, because I could tell Sonya wasn't feeling well. She said one other one, but I'll switch them out when they come infield. Another few minutes went by and the score is now about 35 to 2 - I ask the umpire "Can we call this game? It's starting to rain harder?" He asked the coach from the other team if she wanted to continue the game and she said "yeah, we can play in this". I was pissed! That ignorant B****! Of course her girls were cold and miserable too, but it was more important to her to pound our team into the ground I guess. To top it all off, they were even stealing every base, every time our pitcher would throw a wild pitch (which was about every other ball). I waited a couple more minutes and finally I went over to the dugout and told our coach that she was going to have to call a time out and get Sonya out of there. She was sick, cold and miserable and this was ridiculous. I said I don't care if you forfeit - the score is 40 to 2 anyway and we only have one out. We'll never catch up and these girls are not having any fun! Another mother walked over and agreed with me. The umpire asked the coach of th other team if she wanted to call the game and she said "if they want to forfeit, there's nothing I can do about it" So I said - we forfeit - let's go! So all the girls ran off the field and Sonya and I left.

A woman (definitely not a lady) who was helping coach told our coach, "if you do this - I Will NEVER step foot on this field again. This is crap! What are we teaching our kids?" I said, Sonya is cold and it's rainging and it's time to end this. She said "everyone else's kid is cold too" I said "everyone else's children do not concern me now. Do what you want, but I'm taking my daughter home before she catches pneumonia" And that's exactly what we did! Sonya was crying and hates softball and doesn't want to play anymore. I was so pissed I could have screamed and pulled my hair out!

Now, I'm definitely a baseball mom. I've seen more than my share of baseball and playing in the rain and losing games, etc, so it's not any of that. It was the totally unsportsman like behavior of all the coaches involved. I don't know what's going to happen now, but Darrell has called the town baseball commissioner (who is actually the bitchy coach from the other team) and we're working on a solution for Sonya. I'll keep you posted.

My diet isn't going spectacularly well this week. I can't seem to cut myself off at 1500 calories and people keep bringing sweets into the office. I wish the heck they'd quit it! I'm still trying though. I know I'm eating less than I was.

Heather had an honors banquet last night. She's graduating one week from tonight. When we got the invitation, she said it was because she was in the top 10% of her class. I was very excited and when I rushed to the banquet after work last night, I learned she wasn't in the top 10% (she missed it by about 3 or 4 kids) There are only 148 kids in her graduating class. Anyway, she won an award for one of her classes, but we didn't know which one. She could have won in Calculus, Physiology, English Lit - any number of the "hard" courses, but no, she won for Spanish II! She doesn't even know 5 words in Spanish. I have no idea and she said it's probably because she's the only one in the class that doesn't aggravate that heck out of the teacher - Oh, goody - my daughter is the least aggravating student in Spanish II and she has the medal to prove it! I know, I know, it's great that she was recognized, but I have to admit I was a little disappointed. Also, her tuition is paid in full for college, because I work for a university. The Rotary Club gave away 8 - $500 scholarships last night. Guess how many applicants they had? 8! Every person that applied got a $500 scholarship, but she didn't apply! I guess she figures why bother since her tuition is paid - we still have a buttload of money to pay out for housing, food, books, etc - but I guess she thought someone else needed it more:) Ahhh! Parenthood - will I ever survive?

Hooray for me!

I don't have much time because I'm not at work:) but just wanted to let everyone know that the diet is paying off. I was weighed today and I lost 8 pounds in a week! The doc was there and said not to be discouraged if it didn't happen like that again. It was a fluke since it was my first week and now I should lose only 2-3 pounds per week, but I don't care, I'll take what I can get. I'm so happy & I'm going for a walk!!!!

A little worried

Darrell finally went to the doctor about a month ago and started taking W ell bu trin. I think that's the reason we have been getting along so well. He doesn't seem to get irritated as quickly as before and we haven't had any real arguments since he started taking it.

Well, he went back to the doc today because he still isn't feeling right and he says he has no energy, is groggy all the time, cannot sleep (must take Am bi en to fall asleep) cannot focus when working on college classes he's taking and all around doesn't care for his life anymore. These are the same symptoms he told the doc about before and he ordered blood tests and put him on the W. Today he started him on a pill like A dd er all - it's an amphetamine - I'm worried that this is going to make him more aggitated and edgy and when I told him so - he jumped down my throat and said that the other stuff was making him feel less worried but that it wasn't good to not worry about stuff! What? No clue what he meant. Sort of a jab at me because I try not to let things I can't control bother me. I fall right to sleep at night from pure exhaustion, but I don't really worry about bills and stuff. We do OK and we're not in financial strain - but he's self employed so I can see that he might get worried if he doesn't have jobs coming in. Also, I tend to be an optimist and think nothing bad will happen and he's totally opposite.

Also, he was told his cholesterol is 250 - I think that's pretty bad, but he didn't give him any medicine for it and he said his B12 is dangerously low and gave him a pill for that. The doc was really worried about the B12 defiency so I'm gonna look it up now to see if there are certain foods he should eat more of. Problem is, he's a red meat and potatoes guy. He will eat corn and a few green beans on occassion, but only if they have bacon grease on them. No idea how we're gonna bring that down. I just got off the phone and told him he really needed to make a decision - if he wanted to continue living like a child and eating like one or if he wanted to live period. He's 40 now and hasn't tasted some vegetables probably since he was 8 or 9 so I think it's time to run the gammut and see if we can find some healthier foods he can enjoy while they help lower his cholesterol.

Dieting, New Cars and American Idol

OK, the dieting is going OK, it's not as hard as I thought as long as I'm prepared with food to eat, so I'm not going into the cafeteria at work or the vending machine in the afternoon or stopping at fast food on my way home. I think I can do this if I can keep myself organized and prepared.

I did hit a little bump last night though. We bought a new car, it's ugly I think, but the gas was just killing us in my other car and I drive a very long way to work. It's a 2007 Ford Focus Hatchback, it looks like an egg on wheels but we got a really, really good deal and it's brand new and fully loaded. We saved like $6000 in rebates and the Friends & Family plan since my B-I-L worked there. I don't like how it looks, but it was fun to drive this morning and the stereo jams!!!

Anywho, I was waiting for Darrell to get home from playing softball (he drove the new car) so I could see it (he picked it up from the dealer.) And suddenly, I was starving. It was like 11:30pm and I ended up ravaging the kitchen and ate about 300 calories more than I should have. I even dipped my finger in the peanut butter jar!!!!! I'm sad - I fell off the wagon, but I'm right back on and the scale says it didn't hurt much (wait til tomorrow).

Here's my American Idol update. This started out as a comment to Princess Slea's post, but it got so long I decided to put it here on my own blog. So, if you go to her blog, don't read my comment or it will be redundant:)

I heart David Cook. He's my fav, but I sorta hope he doesn't win because I think he'll be better off if he doesn't like Chris Daughtry.

I agree with Princess Slea. I thought Jason could have done a better job at "Forever in Blue Jeans" but that's just him. I wonder if he secretly wants to go home? I don't know what they're singing next week, but I was thinking, it'd be really cool if Jason sung "The Joker" by The Steve Miller Band.

I cannot stand Brooke and I did a little dance of joy when she was booted off. I don't know why, I just don't like her. I think she's sort of cocky to Simon and I just don't like her attitude.

David A is good, we all know that, but I'm not sure pop is the correct genre for him. He needs to do the Broadway stuff and he always looks scared, like his dad's gonna whip him or something if he doesn't do a good job.

I thought Syesha did a great job on her second song and I really thought her hair looked pretty like that, but either she or Jason will probably be next.

One other thing - wtf is up with Paula? She is on some serious painkillers or she's drinking way more than one martini before the show. I almost feel sorry for her, like she's just a lost little butterfly. She's always standing up and dancing and I don't know just acting crazy. Wonder if she'll be back next year? Oh and wasn't it sweet that Simon's first crush called in, he seemed genuinely shocked and happy to hear from her.

Oh, and Michelle - send me all the tips you want about fiber or weight loss. I'll take whatever help I can get:)

Dieting Again

My husband decided he wanted to go to church yesterday. I've been going a little bit here and there, but not at all regularly and he probably hasn't been since before Christmas, so I was a little surprised, but was excited about it nonetheless.

I knew they were going to have a picnic after church that day, but had not planned to participate. I was again surprised that he wanted to join in the festivities and the kids were thrilled so off we went. When we got there, we had a wonderful time in fellowship and the kids all went in separate directions with those of their age groups and a good time was had by all. While there, I was asked to join in a Biggest Loser competition. Ten of us each put in $20 and at the end of 8 weeks, whoever has lost the most weight will get $200!!! So, now we'll see if money will motivate me to lose weight since nothing else will. We all weighed in at Doc's office (it was sooo embarrassing, but I figured it was the first step!) and plan to weigh in every Sunday after church (Is this God's way of getting me in the habit of attending church regularly?) So wish me luck!

My plan is to count calories this time. I've done Weight Watchers kind of and I've lost some weight on it, but I'm gonna try sort of a combo now and try to keep my calories down to about 1500 each day. Doc says 1500-1600 is a healthy number, but I'm hungry and this is what I've had so far today...

cereal - 120
milk - 40
coffee/creamer - 50
tomato juice - 60
raw vegetables - 50
frozen lunch - 230
brussel sprouts - 50
salad w/EVOO - 60

That's 660 so far. I plan to have some more raw veggies on my way home and another frozen meal for dinner with some veggies and a salad - then some of these yummy cinnamon streusel ricecake things that are only 90 calories. Then probably a sugar free popsicle or two - they're only 10 cals each so I may just be living off of those for awhile. Almost sounds like I won't have enough calories today, but we'll see.

My blog will probably be overcome with calories and weight loss stuff for awhile, so if it's all boring to you, feel free to skip me for a couple of months and come back when I'm slim and trim:)

The weekend is finally here!

I don't know why, but this has been a very long week for me. I guess it's because I don't really have much to look forward to this weekend, and last weekend was packed. My 11 year old has a tournament this weekend. I hope it doesn't get rained out. He gets so disappointed when that happens.

My 15 year old son is gone for the whole weekend. He's growing up and I'm just a little sad about it. He's gone with his high school baseball team to Lebanon, MO for a tournament. They're staying in hotels and running around all weekend. I wanted to go with him, but he plays JV and this is really just a varsity tournament so he probably won't even step foot on the field and since Colby is actually playing in a tournament this weekend, I thought it best to stay and watch him. If I'm this sad over a weekend away, I don't know what I'm going to do when Heather leaves for college. I better up the antidepressants now!!!

This morning Sonya said she needed to take some of her clothes to school for Jalynn to wear because Jalynn's mom won't buy her any cute clothes. I know Jalynn's mom and she most certainly does buy Jalynn cute clothes and I told Sonya so. I told her she could not take any clothes to school because she might lose them or Jalynn might forget to bring them back and she said that Jalynn was planning to change in the bathroom before school and at the end of the day, change back into her own clothes. Uhhh....no! Not gonna happen. Can you believe this? In the 3rd grade? Not to mention the fact that Jalynn is about a foot taller than Sonya - I could just see one of Sonya's skirts on her:) Whatever am I gonna do with this child?

One last thing...I cannot seem to get anything done at work because of the internet. Lately, I've been surfing around a really big part of the day. I have got to stop it, but it's so addicting and this is my really busy time of year, so next week - I'm limiting myself to one hour checking internet sites - that's it! No more - at least until my busy time is through.

Fun, Fun, Fun

Here is a picture of my sis-in-law Beth, my niece Misty, me (in the red) and my sis-in-law Lulu (Linda). We were really having a great time at Darrell's b-day party Saturday.




This is a pic of Darrell & me at the party.




This is me doing a wild & crazy dance.





This is me and my sister Shelly. She means the world to me - I'm so glad to have her in my life.

Really fun times this weekend. We had a blast.

Frigid temperatures, vodka and warm hearts:)

Had a really good time this weekend. It was ffffrrrreeezzzingggg!!! We had some time to connect with each other and just have actual conversations without being interrupted by kids or having to take someone somewhere or pick someone up. We talked a little about our relationship, but not too much mainly because neither of us wanted to spoil our time there.

I really had fun at the games on Saturday, but we were there from 2pm to almost 2 in the morning. I had to compensate for the cold be consuming many, many drinks containing alcoholic beverages. Soon, it wasn't even that cold. I am totally lying - I froze my ass off the entire time, I guess I just didn't mind so much after a drink or two. And Sunday, we didn't get alot of alone time together because one of the other players had to ride home with us, so the conversation was of a very light nature.

I'm not sure if this was exactly what we needed, but it certainly was a band-aid for our present problems. Hopefully, it is enough to keep the wounds from getting infected and to prove to us that we really do enjoy each other's company and can have a good time and good conversation when we give ourselves the chance. And also that this marriage is worth fighting for - though his other side came out a little last night so tomorrow's post will probably be totally opposite of this one, but I'll take what I can get:)

Birthday Wishes

Tomorrow is Darrell's 40th birthday. My wish for him is that we find our connection again. I know it's there. I wake up in the middle of the night on occassion and catch myself rolling over toward him to cuddle without thinking before I remember that I don't feel close enough to him to do it when I'm fully awake anymore, but I still want to feel his warmth, so I know it's still there somewhere.

I know we still have it because sometimes when I look at him, I'll see that spark in his eye or the dimple that is only there when I really, really love him and then just as quickly, it goes away, so I know we still have it.

I know we haven't lost it quite yet because every now and then when he reaches past me to grab something and accidentally brushes my skin, I get goosebumps and I get that bubbly little rumbling in my stomach for a few seconds before it passes, so I know we haven't lost it quite yet.

We just absolutely must find it again! I know it's there, I know we still have it and I know we haven't totally lost it, but I'm gonna look for it this weekend when we're in Kansas City. We're going without the kids, staying by ourselves in a hotel with a King-sized bed (granted the softball team will be there and they'll be games to contend with) - but I'll pray for rain all weekend! But I really feel like this might be a make it or break it weekend for me. I've been trying to talk to him lately to tell him how I feel and that I'm about to completely lose it, but I don't know if he believes me or really wants to believe or understand me, so I'm gonna give it the 'ole college try and put my all into it this weekend and we'll see where it brings me.

I've been praying for guidance and patience and better understanding of him and his ways and what he's going through, so hopefully we can connect and find what's been hiding between us lately.

Happy 40th Birthday Darrell! I truly love you with all my heart and soul and I'm not ready to give up quite yet.

Poor baby Sonya:(((

Sonya and I have an appointment on Monday. We have to go and get two of her baby teeth pulled. OUCH!!!!. She was very concerned about her teeth and has been for several months. Her two front teet were coming in very crooked and her baby teeth right next to them had fallen out several months ago and the permanent ones have not yet broken through. I was mildly concerned about this, but I remember being concerned about my other children's teeth and then they all came in and they all look great and I worried for nothing so I told myself to stop it and I did:)

Well, I figured she was going to need braces, but that she just turned 9 and we had to wait until all her permanent teeth came in so we had awhile. My niece & nephew have braces so I told my sis-in-law to ask the dentist when he'd like to take a look at her and he said bring her on in and we'll take a look, sometimes we can get started with a few on the first four teeth, so I made an appt thinking we'd go in for a consultation and look around, get x-rays, go through costs, etc.

Well, he says the poor thing has alot going on up there and needs to get some stuff done right away to avoid future problems. The two baby teeth second from the front teeth are holding the permanent ones from coming down and those roots are "eating" the roots of the two front teeth. I know, it's gross, but I saw it with my own eyes. Well, not really the eating part, but I saw the roots kind of bumping into the other roots - you know, like they were gonna eat them later.

So, he put two cute little braces on her two front teeth and referred us to someone else to get those other stubborn baby teeth pulled (that should have already fallen out on their own) and we have to do that on Monday). Then back to the orthodontist in 6 weeks and hopefully two more teeth will have grown in by that time and we can attach the braces already there to two more teeth. We'll just keep connecting them as they grow - how convenient. He says she's likely to have more than one set of braces over the next few years and my insurance only covers $1500 lifetime on orthodontics so looks like Mr. Piggy Bank might be broken for quite some time.

On a related note, I was a little pissed about this. Students in Sonya's class that had perfect attendance for the quarter received a treat yesterday. They all got to enjoy a popsicle right in front of the children that did not have perfect attendance. I do not appreciate this, not only because my child did not have perfect attendance due to a prior sickness and her orthodontist appointment but also for the other children in the class that had been sick. I totally believe that the children that do have perfect attendance should be rewarded because that is quite a feat, but couldn't it have been done with a ribbon or a pin - why food and why did they get to enjoy it right in front of the other kids? That seems totally unfair to me. I told Sonya she may never have perfect attendance again, now that she must see the orthodontist every six weeks and she said "That's OK, mom - I'll have perfect teeth instead!" That's my girl!!!!!

I got locked in Walmart

Heather came to work with me yesterday because we got her $enior pic$ taken and we were on our way home when Sonya called to ask me to stop to get strawberry-kiwi-apple juice and club soda so she could make a concoction she heard about at school that had 0 calories, 0 fat and was "very nutritious" because it was made with 100% juice. I told her I wasn't stopping tonight, it was already late, I'd had a long day and I was ready to get home. Oh, please she said, then Heather said she needed to stop for a few things she "had to have" before tomorrow anyway. Fine, we'll stop, but we're running in and out - 5 minutes - TOPS!!!!!! Fine!

We run in - go get the juice and I remember we need bleach so we run to the back of the store and hear "Code Black", "Code Black" (What the hell does that mean?) "All customers and associates to the back of the store immediately!" "Oh Crap!" So we go to the back of the store, and people are saying there is a tornado warning, the sirens are going off in town. (We live in a very small town, very rural - so we get this alot.) So, they tell us we cannot leave, they've locked the doors and we must all stay back here until they give us the "all clear".

I tell Heather I'm not staying back here all night, this is ridiculous. They can't keep us locked in Walmart, can they? What if I call the police? Will they let us out? How can they do this? Then Colby calls, crying! Darrell is gone. Colby & Sonya are home alone. He is 11, she is 9. He only left at 6:25 and it's now 6:45, but still - there's a tornado coming and they're scared and he's not home and I'm freakin' pissed!!!!! I start calling him, texting him, Heather's on the phone with Colby calming him down, telling him to go in the basement, it'll be fine. Finally, Darrell gets back home about 10 minutes later, but we're still in Walmart. And he says "Yeah, right - like you're locked in Walmart - (like he doesn't believe me). "You need to get home!" And I said "You need to bite me - you should have been home all this time - I'll get there as soon as I get out of this place. Trust me I don't want to be locked in Walmart with all these people!"

So, I'm getting ready to throw a fit to get out of there and some "associates" come back there all walking in a line real official-like and tell us we need to move even further back like into the warehouse part. The weather is getting worse. OK, now I'm kinda getting scared. After about 30 minutes, I start to feel OK again and my sis-in-law is texting me that the sirens have stopped and it's not even raining, but they won't let us go. They are pssing out Oatmeal Creme Pies and cups of water. I'm really getting pissed.

There are no managers back there with us, only minions so I go up to them and I say "Look, I'm not staying any longer and you can't keep me here. I'll call the police if necessary, but I need to get home to my other children and I've just spoken to someone on the outside and she says the weather has calmed down so I am leaving RIGHT NOW!!!!" And he said "sure, you're free to go - just go tell the manager and he will unlock the door for you, you can't buy anythign though" WHAT? you mean, I've been sitting back here for almost an hour and I could have left the whole time as long as I didn't buy anything?

So fine, Heather and I get up and start walking out. We are badasses too. We're gonna break free - then we heard the biggest, loudest clap of thunder you ever heard and lightening struck across the sky so that it lit up the store even through the sky roof and the heavens opened up and dumped rain on the roof and it poured and poured and pelted the roof like bullets. We stopped in our tracks. I looked at Heather and she looked at me and I said, I don't know if we should leave and she said "mommy, I don't want to go out there" (remember, she's 17) so we put our tail between our legs and went back to sit on the floor of the warehouse with the others. I said to the guy next to me when we went back in "I changed my mind" and he said "I would have chickened out, too".

Some badass I am, huh?

The tornado warning finally passed at 8:45 (we were there for two hours) and the rest of the evening was fairly uneventful. - as if I needed anything else:)

Going through the motions

I'm bored at work today. I have lots and lots of stuff that needs done, but don't have the gumption to do any of it. And lots of people are out today for Good Friday, so it's pretty quiet around here. I have so much stuff going on this weekend, it's not even funny and I can't keep from thinking about everything I need to do.

DJ's 15th birthday was Tuesday. He is having a "party" tonight. He's supposed to be playing Rock Band - which we haven't bought yet. Darrell doesn't want to buy it, but I'll probably stop on my way home & get it for him. This is supposed to be a boy/girl party, but I don't know how many of the girls will really show up or boys for that matter, you really can't tell at this age. I guess I'll wait to order pizza until I know for sure who will be there.

Sonya's 9th birthday was Wednesday. Her party is tomorrow at the bowling alley. She invited everyone from her class and all her cousins so it should be a pretty good turn out except for this weekend being Easter. We already had a Dairy Queen cake for her, so I think I'm going to make cupcakes for the bowling alley. I'll have to get up early tomorrow to do that, after cleaning up from DJs party.

Then Sunday - who knows, I really didn't want to do it at my house (that's where we always get together) Typically, I really enjoy having people over, but with all the parties already happening, I'm not sure I can handle 3 in one weekend. Last night I went to my in-laws to try to get some plans made with them for Easter (No one is this family ever makes plans until the last possible minute.) They said they didn't care, they assumed we'd do it at my house. We have the best place for outside stuff, we have 26 acres and there are G-ma & G-pa, 7 kids, with spouses, kids, grandkids, great-grandkids. It's certainly a crew so it's no small feat to have everyone over. Plus it's supposed to rain some, maybe. So, I guess we'll just wait until Sunday morning and decide. Now they think they may do it at their house, so that sounds good to me.

I've been feeling pretty shittly lately, haven't been taking my meds like I should & I can feel it. I'm really testy with the kids and I've been arguing with my husband even more than normal these days.

He's going to KC to play softball in a couple of weeks and it falls on the same weekend as his 40th birthday so he wants me to go on the trip with him. I really do not want to go. I've been to KC several times in the last several years while he played there and it's a long drive to watch someone play softball, when I could do that at home. I'll go though, and give it the 'ole college try. Who knows, maybe we'll connect again. He thinks this is what life is supposed to be I guess. I know I sure want more from it, right now, it just feels like I'm going through the motions.

Friday - hardly no work and lots of docs

I've got two of my kids with me today at work. Colby had an appt with the urologist. We thought he had another hernia, he's had one on each side already and we thought the one was back, but the doc came in and felt around on his groin area for about 3 minutes, said it was fine, I paid my $30 and we left. Easy, peasy and no more surgery - oh, and I'm out $30 bucks for him to tell me my son is normal:) I know, I shouldn't gripe about the money, I should be glad nothing is wrong and I am, it just stinks that you have to pay $10 a minute to find that out - that's more expensive than the L IVE G IRLS - H OT 4 U - that all you have to do is call the 900 number:)

Heather has an appt with the therapist. She's seen her twice before and thought she should have at least one more talk before heading off to college. She's pretty normal too, just going through some teenage stuff from a girl whose stepdad is waaaaay too overprotective. She was getting depressed and crying alot (I know the feeling - he makes me cry alot too, cuz he's such an ass most of the time) - anywho, I just wanted her to know that that kind of help was available to her and that it was nothing to be ashamed about. If she needed to talk things out with someone other than me, then she has that option. Along with her physical health, I want her to understand that her mental health is just as important and that she should seek help if needed.

The show at the Fox the other night was pretty good - but the company with my sister and my friend from work was phenomenal. We had such a great time and vowed to do it more often. My sister wants she and I and Heather to all go on a weekend roadtrip this summer before Heather leaves for college. I hope we make it happen!

Sisters & Friends

My sister and I are going to see The W edding S inger tonight - not the Adam Sandler movie - the show at the F ox T heatre. I am sooooo excited. I really enjoy this kind of thing, but my hubby is more of a softball freak. He like outdoorsy, macho things and I like to add a little culture to my life now and then. I know it's just the Wedding Singer - but it is at a real theatre that's not a mega-movies:) That has to count for a little culture, at least, right?

My friend at work is so special, I love her to death. She is several years older than me, but she is teaching me how not to be a hoosier my whole life. I like being a hoosier sometimes, but it's not always appropriate.

Someone gave her the tickets and she gave them to my sister & I. My sister cleans her house (and she and her husband absolutely love her for it). I'm really close to M (my work buddy) and my sister is really close to her husband J. My sis sees J all the time while she's cleaning (he's retired) and they are really amicable. M has commented that she loves my sis for having such a great relationship with J - it gives him something to look forward to. I'm trying to explain this where it doesn't sound icky. It really is a great friendship for J and my sis and for M & me:) M is in her late 50's and J is in his mid 60's, I'm 37 and my sis is 32 - they don't have kids of their own and I think they've sort of taken the two of us under their wing since our mom is gone and our dad stinks!

Anywho, they gave us the tickets, then called last night and said we could only have the tickets if we agreed to let them take us to dinner beforehand. OK, not a problem, there. M said it was J's idea, he doesn't think we get to do anything for ourselves and wants us to have a wonderful night. How sweet! We are sooo excited. It's going to be the perfect day and the perfect night. The weather here will be 70 degrees today. We get to go to dinner with lovely friends (we've never all 4 been together before) and we get to spend time together as sisters doing something for ourselves - I am soooo looking forward to this. Yay --- us!

Anybody want to trade my puppy for a baby?

I swear it was easier to have kids than this darned dog! He is a real pain! We have him outside for long periods of time and then he comes inside to "do his business" on the carpet!

I'm sick of all the animals in my house. We have 2 outside dogs, one of which tries to come inside everytime you open the door. One inside puppy - Big mistake I'm really regretting! 3 inside cats - one of which is pregnant - they were all 3 strays - NO MORE STRAYS for me - I don't care how miserable they look! 5 fish - 4 gerbils - at least one of them is probably pregnant. I know, I'm not a very responsible pet owner. The cat is getting fixed after this litter, the other two are already fixed. The dogs are fixed. The puppy will be when he's 16 weeks - if he makes it that long! As for the gerbils, I don't know what to do about them. I'm considering letting them go "into the wild" of the woods by our house. Has anyone ever heard of wild gerbils? The pet store doesn't want them - and why the hell not. Remember the exhorbitant fee they wanted for one on Christmas?

Most of the time, I'm the one that feeds them, cleans up their poop, I force the kids to do it sometimes, but I'm the main man, so to speak and I have to take all morning duties, because everyone is in such a rush. How did this happen to me? I've completely lost control of my children, my pets, my home and my mind? Is it possible to do a total switcheroo and become someone they've never met before - someone they think they have to listen to?

Confession

I ate an entire box of girl scout cookies by myself yesterday. Can someone please absolve me of my sin and take the damned things off of my hips?

Snow - Dogs & College

Well, another snow storm is on it's way! I'm soooo ready for spring. Looks like we'll get 6-10 inches tonight and we had almost record high yesterday in the 70s - crazy weather. Kids will most likely be out of school tomorrow, if not longer and I'm sure I'll probably be home from work. We've had an unusually snowy winter and I've had to work at home alot because my commute is so long. I know the others here that live close are probably getting irritated with me because I have that luxury and it certainly is nice, but I do feel bad and sometimes feel like I'm not doing my part.

DJ is a little better about Jackson dying, but still tears up if we talk about him. We did adopt a new dog from a rescue shelter. He's a toy poodle, only 3 pounds right now - I'll post a pic when I get one. He's so cute and full of life, but it's hard work raising a puppy. You have to mix his food and constantly take him outside. He's making tons of messes and everytime I straighten the kitchen rugs, he goes in there and yanks them around until they're all flipped over. It was cute the first 10 times he did it - now I'm ready to wring his neck:) It's not the same as Jackson, but Winston is finding a place in all of our hearts - along with the 3 cats, 4 gerbils, 2 outside dogs and fish:) (one of those died yesterday, too, but it wasn't nearly as traumatic)

Heather and I visited Mizzou - It was AMAZING!!!!!!! Heather is so psyched to go there and I wish I was going with her. It is so cool! They have 3 pools, 2 indoor & 1 outdoor. One of the indoor pools looks like a hotel pool and has a hottub, sauna, lazy river and whirlpool. The other is an Olympic sized pool and has music streaming so you can hear it under water! They have a bowling alley, pool hall, independent film theatre all on campus. She won’t even have to drive, they even have a grocery store and pharmacy within walking distance. And every fast food joint you can think of. If I had known college could be like this, I might have actually left home and gone instead of getting involved with a jerk and starting a family - but then this would be a different blog altogether.

She is stoked about the dorm, so that’s good. I was afraid she’d want to get an apartment. Although, we may have been better off with the apartment, the dorm is $8,500 a semester. That is with 3 meals a day so hopefully the price will drop substantially when we tell them we only want one meal a day in one of the 5 dining halls. I know she won’t get up for breakfast anyway and with all the fast food, snacks, etc. I’m thinking one good meal a day is better than what she’s getting at home now.

I hope she won’t get homesick……….yeah right! She wants to move there now!

RIP - Jackson Rod Stewart

Our family dog was hit by a car yesterday. It was really my son's dog. He slept with him every night and DJ is devastated! I feel so sorry for him I don't know what to do. We were hit with a "wintery mix" yesterday and he is a white poodle. We live on a gravel road and the people down the road come and go at least 100 times a day. I swear they never stay put. They don't have jobs or anything, so I guess they don't have anything better do it. It really wasn't their fault, Jackson was running beside their truck and they had to go faster to make it up the hill in the snow and ice (at least they had a reason to be charging up the road this time) and they didn't see him. DJ heard him yelp and ran over to him and he was still breathing but only for a few seconds. He died in DJ's arms and he was out of his mind with grief. He was crying and screaming and jumping up and down, throwing himself on the ground in the ice & snow. It took me about 30 minutes to get him in the house and he cried all night long. I just don't know what to do to make him feel better. He even had two friends spend all night and he basically ignored them all night. Thank goodness they had each other to keep them occupied.

He really feels like it's his fault. It's his OCD talking telling him he hasn't been good enough, he hasn't been going to church, etc. That's why God took his dog. How can I compete with OCD?

This dog went in and out whenever he wanted. We live in the country so our dogs run free. If he sees DJ outside, he runs to the door and bumps into it until you get up to let him out. DJ was outside shoveling off the driveway so he and his friends could play basketball and he moved my car. He wasn't doing a very good job because I could see out the window that he was getting my car stuck in the snow and ice in the front yard so I opened up the door to tell him to just leave the car where it was and Jackson ran outside. He feels like if he wouldn't have moved my car, I wouldn't have got up and let the dog out. He is so wrought with guilt - he's sleeping now, but I'm hoping he feels better today when he wakes up.

Also, when we got Jackson from the pound, he was already named Jackson. We started calling him Jackson Rod Stewart because on Hannah Montana - Hannah's brother's name is Jackson Rod Stewart so we started calling the dog that when he was in trouble or we were just playing around with him. He was such a good dog. The only one we've ever had that was already housetrained and would let us know when he needed to go out. He was very smart. Jackson will be missed by the whole family and I pray that God will bring comfort to DJ and take away his unnecessary guilt.

"This close" to having a boyfriend

I picked Sonya up from baseball practice with the boys last night. Darrell wanted her to come and practice with the boys for awhile, grounding balls, etc. I wasn't thrilled, but she didn't seem to mind, so I didn't put up too much of a stink about it. I called about half way through and she was ready to go so I went to get her.

When she got in the car she said "I was "this close" to having a boyfriend until the teacher had to start running her mouth" What! How rude, I said. Don't say things like that about your teacher. "Well, Mom - this boy was looking at me and said he wanted to ask me something, then he was about to ask me and the teacher said "blah, blah, blah". So, he never asked" Who is this boy, I asked? "He's really big and alot taller than me, probably Colby's size (Colby's 11, she's 8). He's not fat, he's muscular" What? She's 8! I asked her what about JP (the crush she's had all year). She said "I'm tired of waiting around for him, I've moved on" Oh!

Whatever am I gonna do with her? She is an amazing 8 year old (will be nine in about a month). She wants to go on a trip to Chicago for her birthday on a plane! OK, we don't know anyone in Chicago and have never been there, but that's where she wants to have her birthday dinner - I was thinking more along the lines of Cici's Pizza.

Also, she wants a laptop. She's been searching the net for one we can afford. How on earth can I get her a laptop when I have 3 children older than her that do not have laptops, however, I am truly considering buying one for the entire family to use. Is that spoiling? I don't want to spoil my kids, but we really do kinda need more than one computer. The one we have now is in the living room and we're all fighting for time on it. There are 6 of us and we all use it to some degree. I'm planning to buy Heather a laptop before college but I just don't know.

I'm also a little embarassed to say that I checked Southwest fares from STL to Chicago and I could swing it if I really want to, maybe have just a girls trip with Sonya, Heather and I. What would be the reason not to, if we can do it financially? Do you think it's too much too soon and I'd just be setting myself up for horror later on? I need a guidebook - you'd think by the fourth child, you'd have all this figured out, but we're in a much better position now than we were when Heather was 8. Should we make younger kids stick to the same rules as the older ones did at their age? Heather's already mad at me because I got DJ a cellphone when he was 13 and she had to wait until she was almost 15. Times were different then, get over it!