Friday, October 29, 2010

The Weekend

Darrell took Colby hunting this weekend, DJ is spending time with friends (not hunting, thanks to a couple of girls who shall remain nameless) and Sonya is going to Six Flags tomorrow with her friend and will spend all night. That means, wait for it......I will have the house completely to myself for several hours if not at least one full day. YIPPEE!!!

I plan to do a whole lotta nothin'! Watch TV - finish the Sookie Stackhouse book I'm reading right now - do a little homework - eat - lounge with the cat & dog. Really nothing worth mentioning. I'm hoping to just let my brain rest. And hopefully, I'll be able to come up with a plan to get my ass in gear to make some changes in my life.

I'm so damned tired all the time and I know it's because I've gained so much weight. I can't seem to drop it - I don't really think it has much to do with my diet (though it's not the greatest) but more to do with the fact that I just don't move. Having a sedentiary job and driving 3 hours each day doesn't do wonders for ass expansion!!! Or whole body expansion for that matter. I think this extra weight is causing me to feel crappy and I'm sick of it.

I cannot get up in the morning. I stay up too late and it's a vicious circle. I get up late, get to work late, leave work late, get home late, fix dinner late, clean up late and go to bed late - I'm constantly racing with the clock and I feel like a hampster on an exercise wheel! I hope to get everything done for the week by Sunday and start the week fresh with meals planned, groceries bought & put away, laundry done & put away, yada, yada, yada - then I wonder how my week will go. I think it will go swimmingly!

I started following a new blog describing Shay Kelly's project to visit all 50 states in 50 weeks and donate 200 canned goods a week to the homeless. She's doing some other things too and this website will tell you all about it. Anyway - she said this is the trick to setting goals...

Goals should be...

If you hit 80% of your goal - it is a good goal - anything less and it's too hard, anything more and it's too easy. I'm gonna try to develop some goals this weekend - for weight management, exercise and time management. I'll keep you informed on how things go.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Random Word Generator - Conclude

Ahem, ahem. So, I really want to be a writer someday so I think I need to start practicing more. A friend of mine told me to just write 500 words a day - sort of a beginning exercise, so that's what I'm gonna use my blog for - for awhile. Just see if I can get this thing off the ground, you know?

I sat down to write - nothing. Nuthin', not-a-thang came to mind, so I went to this online word generator thing - the word I got - conclude. Hmmm, how do I write a blog about the word conclude. Here goes.

I very seldom ever conclude anything I begin. I am forever deciding that I would be a better person if I only would (insert random idea here), eat right, exercise more, write daily, get up early, stay up late, make a list, destroy the list, you get it. I go on and on and never really get anything accomplished.

Lately, I've been thinking about my death - I know, morbid - but it's who I am. I'm 40 and I've lost a couple of friends lately - one of whom was my best friend in high school and we were almost the exact same age (-5days) and I've been asking myself - what if I died tomorrow, what would people say about me? Should I change anything? If my life was over, what would I wish I would have done, said, felt? I'm not sure of the answers to those questions, but I can say I'm not done living and *this* is not all there is. I sure as hell hope not anyway.

I feel like I'm racing through each day, week, year to get to something.....but what? It's back to that "I'll be a better, happier, (whatever) person when I (insert randome thing here). I've got to stop telling myself that I'll be a better person and I'll be a happier person and just start doing those things. I want to live now, not wait until I have more money, or my kids are grown or I'm retired. I have to start living now - doing things I want to do, that make me happy.

If others want to join me, they are welcome, but I'm going to stop putting my ideas, desires, needs on the back burner to follow someone else around while they live their lives - this includes hubby and kids. I want to be in their lives, but I want them to be in mine as well. I want them to know me (I don't think they do right now) and maybe follow me around sometimes.

So, to conclude this post, I'll be a much better person as soon as I start living my life - and that starts now.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Another Beginning

Dear Blog - I'm so sorry I've neglected you for so long! I'm gonna try this again. I have a friend on facebook that started a new blog and I've so enjoyed reading hers that I thought I'd give it another shot. So here goes...

All is well in my household - or as well as it could be, I suppose. I don't foresee any big changes in the future - so I guess we're all good.

Heather is engaged to Wesley. They've been dating for a year now and he gave her a ring and proposed on their 1 year anniversary. They're planning to have a long engagement and I'm glad - I want her to get her degree and make sure she is able to take advantage of her youth in a way that I didn't. I'm realizing more and more every day though that what I want for her and what she decides to do are far apart sometimes and I have to let her make her own mistakes and make the decisions she feels are best for her life, even if I "know" they're gonna come back to bite her in the end.

DJ is a senior in high school and just itching to be a "grown up". Why in the hell would anyone want to do that? Being a grown up sucks eggs, seriously! Thinking about Senior stuff, announcements for graduation, senior pics, etc. He's in a little trouble right now regarding some girl drama, but I'm hoping he'll come out on the other side a little wiser than he went in. We'll see if he can learn from his mistakes.

Colby's 14th birthday is Thursday. Not sure what we'll do for him. We always have big get togethers, but this year, I don't know. Money is tight, so there's no big party - maybe we'll just invite some friends to play baseball - he usually likes that, but girls have entered the picture, so I'm not sure what he'll want.

Sonya is 11 and on her own path. She doesn't really need anyone except for the basic life requirements - she's pretty sure of herself, can take matters into her own hands, and makes decisions pretty well for herself. I'm not sure if this is all good though because sometimes I just want her to be my little girl and sometimes I get darned right pissed at the way she acts, but that is so with all of my children.

My husband, Darrell, is struggling with his body shop. He hasn't had much business and his heart just isn't in it. He really wants to get a "real" job and I'd be glad for that too. Not only for the financial stability, but also for the interaction he would have with others. I think he spends too much time alone up in that garage and sometimes I think it makes him a little batty - and hard to be around. We'll keep looking and hopefully a good opportunity will come along.

I'm finishing up my last two classes for my undergrad degree. I'm excited but know I'll probably end up moving on for my masters. I'm a lifetime learner:)

Just a quick note about how much fun I had this weekend with my sister, Shelly & my nephew & niece, Jacob & Madison. They went to Six Flags with me, Colby & Sonya and Shelly & I laughed our heads off. We all had a good time and of course, vowed to get together more often. We really need to do that. My sister and I talk on the phone usually every day, but I miss that face-to-face contact with her. And I really want my kids to be close to their cousins - and her kids don't have that much family - so I want them to have the opportunity to have close family.

Had a baby shower for my niece Sarah yesterday. It was a little awkward but our family get togethers are becoming more and more like that lately, it's sad. I hate that this side of the family is going through some adjustment, but I feel I just cannot keep my mouth shut to keep the peace any longer and I feel strongly that I have to let others know how I feel or I can only blame myself for feeling crapped on. So there - a little cryptic - but you know how family is...

Until next time (hopefully, not a year)...