My 14 y/o son DJ was diagnosed in the 5th grade with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). His main fear is germs. He takes medication now that seems to keep it at bay, but there are still parts of his personality that I know are controlled by this terrible sickness.
Anywhoo, we are managing that (or so we think). Monday, a boy in Colby's (10 y/o, 5th grader) class had a 4-wheeler accident and was hurt pretty badly. It was iffy whether or not he would make it for awhile. Darrell & Colby heard about it at football practice on Monday and told the rest of the kids about it when they got home. Everyone was pretty upset, but Colby seemed like it didn't really phase him too much. This is not one of his close friends, though they did play basketball together last year.
This morning when I woke Colby up to eat breakfast (he's had waffles for breakfast every day for at least 3 years, if not longer) here's what he told me.
Colby: I don't want waffles.
Me: Too bad, I already fixed them. Why wouldn't you want waffles?
Colby: Mrs. Y (the school counselor) told me to try something different for breakfast because my stomach's been hurting in the morning.
Me: When did you talk to Mrs. Y about your stomach ache, wasn't the nurse there?
Colby: When I went to see her about J (the hurt boy)
Me: Oh, did they talk to all of you about J & the dangers of not wearing a helmet while on the 4-wheeler?
Colby: Yes.
Heather then came in and said: Oh yeah, mom. Colby said he had to go see Mrs. Y yesterday because he was crying about J.
Me: What? How come? They said he's going to be alright.
Colby: I know, I just couldn't stop crying.
Me: Oh. Do you want me to fix you something else for breakfast?
Colby: No, I'll eat the waffles.
Right before the bus came, Colby started saying his stomach hurt again. I told him to go to school and if it didn't stop bothering him to call home & Dad would pick him up. After the bus drove off, I got to feeling guilty about making him go to school (He is not a morning person and I just thought he'd be OK once he got going). So I called the school counselor.
Mrs. Y: I'm glad you called. I was going to call you.
Me: I'm just a little worried about Colby and he had a stomach ache this morning & said he talked to you. I wanted to make sure you guys knew that Darrell works from home and that if Colby is sick you can call him & he'll come to get him.
Mrs. Y: Sure, but I wanted to let you know that I got a red flag yesterday when I talked to him about J. He seemed excessively worried (OH NO! WHAT! THOSE ARE THE SAME WORDS USED TO DESCRIBE DJ IN THE 5TH GRADE WHEN HE STARTED GETTING STOMACH ACHES AT SCHOOL). He's worried about you driving back and forth to work and getting in an accident. He's worried about his dad's health. He's worried about alot of things (OH NO! WHAT ALL DID HE TELL HER?) I don't think it's anything to be overly concerned about right now, but we should all keep our eye on him, you know this is the exact age when DJ started having problems.
Me: Yes, I know. I didn't realize he was so worried. He never talks about it. I know sometimes OCD can be inherited so it can run in families, but I also know that sometimes younger siblings can just learn behaviors from the older ones with OCD.
Mrs. Y: Let's just keep our eye on him for now.
Me: OK, call me if he comes in sick or upset and we'll come and get him.
Well, now what? I guess I'll just talk to him tonight, see what I think. I may have to take him to the doc, but for now I guess we'll just wait & see. It's hard to remember sometimes that our kids get stressed too. He knows, as do all of our kids, that their dad and I haven't been getting along very well lately, he's probably worried about that too. I feel terrible. How could he be so upset by something and not talk to me about it?
A few years ago when he was in 3rd grade I think, I went to parent-teacher conference and the teacher said "We were so sorry to hear about your dog Shadow dying" and I said "What?" She said "Colby was really upset one day when we were talking about pets and he told us that Shadow had died. He was crying about it". I said "I had no idea. That dog died two years ago and he never mentioned it once to me" What else am I missing in my son's life? I wonder if he knows he can tell me things - or since he's a middle child does he think I don't have enough time for him? Golly, it's tough being a parent. There are so many things to worry about. You know, we think they need us so much when they're babies, but I swear they need us so much more as they're making that journey into and through the teenage years.
Look out my blog friends, this is probably the first of many posts about the mental health of me & my family.
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4 comments:
I have OCD - did not know about it until quite recently (a few years now). I took medication, but I hated it. I would rather have OCD than be on the medication - it really flattens moods.
I got here from Kathi B.
It's hard when you think that your kids open up to someone else easier than they do to you, but I think that it's easier sometimes for them to do that because they can keep that person at a safe distance. Plus, maybe they're feeling the need for attention at school.
Something I did (think I got it off a talk show or something) was when the kids were a lot younger, I had my special time every week with each of them; be it going to McDonalds or for a walk. Of course, I only had two.
My experience with Kid L has always been that she talks at school about things that happened long ago or things I would not have considered relevant. I never felt as if she thought she couldn't come to me, I just figured it was easier to tell people who aren't as close. (Look, at blogging - I tell my invisible friends all sorts of things)
I would definitely talk to him and if necessary make an appointment with his doctor. It may just be natural worry but if it is something more, you're already a step ahead of things.
Leesa - Welcome! We had the med talk when he was first diagnosed & he was so bad and just could not function so we knew it was the route we should take - at least at this time in his life. Over the summer, we wean off of the meds, but when it gets time for school to start, we have to go back otherwise he just can't handle it, but it's definitely something we discuss continously.
Kathi - that's a good idea - and one I've thought of doing - it's just so hard with 4 of them & all of their activities so I gotta squeeze it in whenever I can:)
CCW - You're right about the blogging thing - funny how we can open right up when typing these things up, huh?
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