Tomorrow is Darrell's 40th birthday. My wish for him is that we find our connection again. I know it's there. I wake up in the middle of the night on occassion and catch myself rolling over toward him to cuddle without thinking before I remember that I don't feel close enough to him to do it when I'm fully awake anymore, but I still want to feel his warmth, so I know it's still there somewhere.
I know we still have it because sometimes when I look at him, I'll see that spark in his eye or the dimple that is only there when I really, really love him and then just as quickly, it goes away, so I know we still have it.
I know we haven't lost it quite yet because every now and then when he reaches past me to grab something and accidentally brushes my skin, I get goosebumps and I get that bubbly little rumbling in my stomach for a few seconds before it passes, so I know we haven't lost it quite yet.
We just absolutely must find it again! I know it's there, I know we still have it and I know we haven't totally lost it, but I'm gonna look for it this weekend when we're in Kansas City. We're going without the kids, staying by ourselves in a hotel with a King-sized bed (granted the softball team will be there and they'll be games to contend with) - but I'll pray for rain all weekend! But I really feel like this might be a make it or break it weekend for me. I've been trying to talk to him lately to tell him how I feel and that I'm about to completely lose it, but I don't know if he believes me or really wants to believe or understand me, so I'm gonna give it the 'ole college try and put my all into it this weekend and we'll see where it brings me.
I've been praying for guidance and patience and better understanding of him and his ways and what he's going through, so hopefully we can connect and find what's been hiding between us lately.
Happy 40th Birthday Darrell! I truly love you with all my heart and soul and I'm not ready to give up quite yet.
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4 comments:
Have a wonderful weekend. I hope you find it, too! :)
Happy Birthday!
I hope this weekend is everything you wish.
I hope that y'all have a great time together, and I'll be praying for rain too! :)
I'm late and read the after post first (so sorry), so I know how it ended (well, except for the king size bed part, you didn't mention that in your after post ;) ). Girl, I so understand. I can remember times when I'd lay in bed with a tear rolling over the bridge of my nose and listening to my ex's snoring. Being married for 22 years, there's gonna be some hard times...being married at all there are gonna be hard times. Big hug, hon.
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