Ahem, ahem. So, I really want to be a writer someday so I think I need to start practicing more. A friend of mine told me to just write 500 words a day - sort of a beginning exercise, so that's what I'm gonna use my blog for - for awhile. Just see if I can get this thing off the ground, you know?
I sat down to write - nothing. Nuthin', not-a-thang came to mind, so I went to this online word generator thing - the word I got - conclude. Hmmm, how do I write a blog about the word conclude. Here goes.
I very seldom ever conclude anything I begin. I am forever deciding that I would be a better person if I only would (insert random idea here), eat right, exercise more, write daily, get up early, stay up late, make a list, destroy the list, you get it. I go on and on and never really get anything accomplished.
Lately, I've been thinking about my death - I know, morbid - but it's who I am. I'm 40 and I've lost a couple of friends lately - one of whom was my best friend in high school and we were almost the exact same age (-5days) and I've been asking myself - what if I died tomorrow, what would people say about me? Should I change anything? If my life was over, what would I wish I would have done, said, felt? I'm not sure of the answers to those questions, but I can say I'm not done living and *this* is not all there is. I sure as hell hope not anyway.
I feel like I'm racing through each day, week, year to get to something.....but what? It's back to that "I'll be a better, happier, (whatever) person when I (insert randome thing here). I've got to stop telling myself that I'll be a better person and I'll be a happier person and just start doing those things. I want to live now, not wait until I have more money, or my kids are grown or I'm retired. I have to start living now - doing things I want to do, that make me happy.
If others want to join me, they are welcome, but I'm going to stop putting my ideas, desires, needs on the back burner to follow someone else around while they live their lives - this includes hubby and kids. I want to be in their lives, but I want them to be in mine as well. I want them to know me (I don't think they do right now) and maybe follow me around sometimes.
So, to conclude this post, I'll be a much better person as soon as I start living my life - and that starts now.
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