We had to take our 17 year old's phone away from her yesterday and I'm completely bummed by it. She is really a pretty good kid, but I cannot get her to take any responsibility. She's set to go to college in a few months about 3 hours from home at the University of Missouri at Columbia (Mizzou). She still does not drive, she will be 18 in May. I've tried to get her to drive - I've offered her my mustang, she doesn't want to learn to drive a stick. We had an older model Taurus - it wasn't cool enough. We bought her an older model I don't know what but it's red & it's a convertible (my husband is in the body shop business, so we've always got cars around) Anyway, we bought it in September & told her when she got a job, Darrell would work on it and get it ready for her (it had a lot of little things wrong with it, but she was happy with it).
That was 4 months ago and she still doesn't have a job. We've told her she cannot drive until she gets a job so she can pay insurance. I don't know what the heck is wrong with her. I just want her to work a few hours a week to show responsibility. She has lots of responsibility around the house - but I wanted her to learn to deal with money - not the $20 a week a give her in allowance.
On December 22nd we had a heated argument about something and I gave her an ultimatum - get a job by January 22nd or I take your phone. Yesterday was January 22nd and still no job! I had to take it. I hated doing it. I didn't want to do it. I feel really bad for it - but I had no choice. She is really pissed. She didn't think I would do it.
Now, I've issued another ultimatum - have a job within 2 weeks or she's grounded until she gets a job. She hasn't even really tried to get a job, she's filled out a couple of apps, but hasn't followed up, etc.
After that, I don't know what I'll do. She can't go to Columbia if she doesn't drive - how will she get around, how will she get home? If she doesn't get a job and a license - I'm afraid I may have to force her to stay at home for college. Suggestions?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Taking the phone away was a good move. Otherwise she wouldn't take anything you said seriously. All talk, no bite. Sure she's mad; you aren't letting her coast and do what she wants. People tend to be grumpy about being pushed, but some really need it or they find a comfortable spot and never move forward. I'm definitely guilty of that, and I've always looked back and been grateful that I was forced to take charge of my own life.
As for going away to school, it might be the best thing. Maybe she needs to find out what it's like to not have Mom and Dad to fall back on. Drive her there and leave her. She'll either get motivated or be very, very bored. Hanging out at the dorm every night, broke and carless, not even being able to take dirty laundry home on weekends gets old fast.
Also, is it possible she's actually afraid to drive? It can be scary, even for experienced drivers. There are a lot of rules and a lot of people who ignore them. Maybe she needs extra time behind the wheel to feel more confident.
We're trading books in our comments sections today! :-)
I have no good advice, except that you are doing the right thing. Taking away things that are a luxury until she takes responsibility for herself is not wrong.
I'm with sparkling cipher, if she doesn't drive take her to college. I'm sure there is plenty of transportation alternatives around campus. That may also set a fire under her to learn to drive, want to drive, and start paying for her insurance, etc.
yea, once you make the threat you HAVE to follow through.
my first thought was that she was afraid to drive too. I don't have a teenager yet but not looking forward to these types of problems (which i know are coming).
i'm still counting on "robot" cars by the time my daughter can drive.
She doesn't need a car at college. She can take a bus to get home, a lot of kids take the bus or find rides home from college.
Casey never had a job till he got to college, it's part of his scholarship that he has to work for the university. With summer coming up, he wants to volunteer at the church camp instead of getting a job. ????? What's the deal with kids? Insurance, cell bills, I really need for him to work and help out. Some kids, though...just don't get it. Charlie has worked since he was 15.
I always believe in following through with your threats, it teaches them that there are consequences and that you are true to your word. Way to go, mom.
Parenting isn't for cowards, or for push overs. :)
Post a Comment